{"title":"Useful Nonsense","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe useful stuff.  The ridiculous stuff.  Sometimes it's both.  Towels, candles, totes, journals, and assorted objects that probably didn't need to exist, but here they are.  \u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"the-lemons-know-what-they-did-tea-towel-by-the-way","title":"The Lemons Know What They Did - Tea Towel | By The Way","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey know.  We know. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBright botanical lemons, delicate blossoms, and absolutely no explanation for what happened.  This tea towel looks perfectly respectable hanging in your kitchen-until someone actually read it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a vintage-inspired botanical lemon design and the understated phrase \"THE LEMONS KNOW WHAT THEY DID.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for kitchens, housewarming gifts, lemon enthusiasts, suspicious citrus, or anyone who appreciates beautiful things with slightly questionable undertones.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e16\" x 25\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSoft microfiber fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eVibrant, fade-resistant print\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHemmed edges\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on one side\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLightweight and quick-drying\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFree shipping\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"16'' × 25''","offer_id":50539802558629,"sku":"24431287458330499363","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0749\/1747\/8565\/files\/7460368136656384479_2048.jpg?v=1790547530"},{"product_id":"im-somebodys-boo-hardcover-journal-by-the-way","title":"I'm Somebody's Boo Hardcover Journal | By The Way","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe don't choose who haunts us. 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This colorful hand towel features the entirely reasonable request:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePLEASE DO NOT SUMMON ANYTHING IN THE GUEST BATHROOM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWith one small clarification:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIf you do, at least spray.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for guest bathrooms, cat people, fantasy fans, backed up wizards, or anyone whose household rules have become strangely specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDetails:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e 28\" × 16\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e 52% polyester, 48% cotton\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Soft to the touch\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Vibrant, fade-resistant one-sided print\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Cotton backing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Free shipping\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"White base \/ 28\" × 16\"","offer_id":50539815698597,"sku":"21088955719037272309","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0749\/1747\/8565\/files\/17548368377602048957_2048.jpg?v=1790547950"},{"product_id":"kevin-has-been-asked-to-leave-tea-towel-by-the-way","title":"Kevin Has Been Asked to Leave Tea Towel | By The Way","description":"\u003cp\u003eAgain Kevin?!  Who keeps inviting him?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eApparently there were incidents that remain disputed, but the decision was, as usual, unanimous:  Kevin has been asked to leave.  \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a vintage-inspired black-and-white illustration of a suspiciously innocent opossum amid the aftermath of a very respectable dinner party.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for kitchens, housewarming gifts, opossum enthusiasts, dinner-party hosts, or anyone who has ever had to quietly remove a Kevin from the premises.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e16\" × 25\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Soft microfiber fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Vibrant, fade-resistant print\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Hemmed edges\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Printed on one side\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Lightweight and quick-drying\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Free shipping\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"16'' × 25''","offer_id":50539815927973,"sku":"10344259735018627412","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0749\/1747\/8565\/files\/3620697362996364782_2048.jpg?v=1790548100"},{"product_id":"maslows-hierarchy-of-cheese-tea-towel-by-the-way","title":"Maslow's Hierarchy of Cheese Tea Towel | By The Way","description":"\u003cp\u003eFinally, a scientifically questionable way to organize your dairy products. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFrom the foundational necessity of Cheese Whiz to the lofty heights of Smoked Gouda, this colorful tea towel presents the five essential levels of cheese-based personal fulfillment. 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It can't sniff you back.  Rude.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThere was no need to lean in that close, but here we are.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis scented soy candle looks perfectly respectable on a shelf, desk, or nightstand-until somebody gets curious enough to read the label.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYOU JUST SNIFFED MY CANDLE.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSomewhere a dog understands.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAvailable in clear or amber glass with a black lid and a selection of scents, because apparently even judgment comes in fragrance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNOTE! Keep the burning candle within sight, and keep away from children and pets. Never burn the candle near flammable items. For best results, burn the candle for 3 - 4 hours in each lighting and trim the wick to 1\/4\" before lighting. 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